This is about my existentence - the endless grief that has followed me

throughout my life. Grief for the self I never got to know. For the person I

imagine I could have been if not for the wounds that shaped me. 

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In memory of all the lost souls within me - their stories, their unresolved emotions, their grief. Their past lingers, yet I can only grasp it through feelings

rather than memories. An endless numbness. An endless pain. Feeling hollow inside while desperately trying to fill the void from the outside - focusing on appearances, concealing my wounds from the world. Longing to shed the masks that hide my true self. I want to scream that I can’t bear this anymore, that I’ve had enough. I want to reveal how broken a person can be on the inside - while no one would ever notice from the outside. No one sees beyond the empty stares and the uneasy body language. No one, except for the silence of being invisible. I fade into the background while longing to be seen. 

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This project was created in collaboration with model and artist Magdalena, whom I connected with through grief and its many meanings. She grieves the loss of someone who meant the world to her., struggling to rebuild herself in the aftermath, while I grieve for the version of myself lost in the past. Though our stories are different, our pain is deeply intertwined. Together, we channeled our emotions and metaphorically “bled” in the studio, creating a space for expression and relief.